MDenham
PRO TIP: Under no circumstances should this poster ever be mentioned in a Ding Thread. Ever. And do you know why? Because he will interrupt with KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
Also, the Alan Parsons Project is the most awesome band ever. No exceptions. ELO is the second-most awesome band, followed by Journey.
The History of KHAN
In 1769, Khan underwent the most recent of his known rebirths in a small village in South Africa. Over the next fifteen years, he proceeded to amass a collection of nearly two hundred trophies in mixed martial arts, mostly due to his ability to charge his lazer. By shoopin' da whoop of his opponents, he proved himself worthy of the title of Corn King, and proceeded to do his duty - impregnating OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAND women in one day, and singlehandedly leading to what would eventually become apartheid due to the number of white and half-white children that started appearing.
Fast-forward to 1807, shortly after the Third Temporal War (started in 2477). Khan realized that his calling was not in South Africa, but in Australia. Equipping himself with a propeller and hydrofoils, he proceeded to swim the distance in a record fifteen hours, thirty-two minutes. Landing on the western coast, he proceeded to introduce the native dingoes to the wonder of cuisine that is the rabbit.
His accomplishments:
- First man to climb to the highest point in Antarctica at mid-winter without external gear (1877);
- Established the first moon base, the Death Star (1905);
- Reached the rank of Captain Overgeneral for the Chicago Cubs in the Third Temporal War (alternate version of 1949);
- Entered the seminary and became High Priest of Cthulhu (1962);
- Assisted the Beatles with crime-fighting operations from their secret base in the Bermuda Triangle (1977);
- Defeated his 15,000th opponent through non-lazer means in the 115th Annual MMA Grand Melee (1984);
- Returned Jesus to the present day (1986);
- First man to successfully fly to the moon without rocket propulsion (1993);
- First man to walk on the sun (2001);
- President-For-Life of the Pan-American Empire (2077; resigned in 3444);
- Successfully fought and defeated the Big Rip (May 19th, 17238388181284127324943172) and reversed its effects;
- Purchased the one googolplexeth Big Mac from McDonalds (July 8th, 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000