A dedicated player like yourself will have little trouble overcoming the changes that have occured for our class. I play a level 33 Paladin and have been playing since February (slow leveler) and have seen many different changes in that time period, most for the better.
Not everyone agrees with any of the changes that have been made since EQ2 went live, especially those people who the changes affect most. I'm still digesting LU13 and the changes to our class, but I always approach a change/update/modification with the mindset that at the very least SOE developers think it is the best decision for the game as a whole.
Some of the changes are things that I have thought about before and am surprised to find that the developers were apparently thinking the same thing. For example, while I enjoyed special class abilities ever 10 levels or so, that were special versions of regular spells/abilities (I especially loved the 2 handed attack that healed me), I wondered why they just didn't let us pick a spell and have it be Master II quality.
I like the idea of stances very much and find that it adds a nice bit of flavor to the strategy department. Depending on what I'm fighting and wether or not I am soloing or in a group, I will adjust my stance accordingly.
While making the encounters tougher created a knee-jerk reaction, in most people, of disfavor (heck, even I get perturbed at being smacked around by a level 23 ^^^ Griffon add, where as I use to take on 3 at once), I think it is also for the better. I believe the challenging fights will create a more rewarding experience, especially when we eventually achieve victory. When people first played Shinobi ( an extremely difficult 8 bit era game) most didn't give up, they just tried harder.
As far as tanking goes, I have long believed that Paladins make great tanks, but make the best support tanks and that hasn't changed since LU13. In almost every group I have been in, I have usually ended up being the main tank. It is so rare that I don't main tank, that when the exception occurs, I have to apologize to the (then) main tank because I accidentaly stole aggro, as I get set into a routine so easily.
Paladins have many abilities that make them perfect as support tanks, backup healers, or even a primary healer if a group lacks one. The diversity of the EQ2 Paladin is part of the appeal of playing the class. I think playing a one dimensional character would be so boring.
As a Backup Tank, Paladins get an increasing number of buff spells, like Grant of Armament that increase main tanks Mitigation and Avoidance. Paladins also have a high cost, but effective group heal, as well as a direct heal and wards. It's rare that I play in a full group and as the back up tank, but I can say without a doubt, those were some of the best groups I've ever played in and we literally mowed through yellow ^^^ heroic enemies faster than they could pop.
The game is not over and Paladins are not dead. Keep playing your characters and I'm confident that things will begin to grow on you. That being said, here is some recommendations to optimize your Paladin's effectiveness:
1). Concentrate on upgrading armor and weapons over spells. As you level up, constantly check the market for the best weapons and armor that you can afford.
2). Beginning with your most important spells/abilities, upgrade them to AdeptI. Check the broker frequently for good deals on spells.
3). Power is most imporant for a Paladin. As long as we have power, we can ward/heal/attack. As soon as we run out, we usually die. Buy some potions on the market and put them in your toolbar, use them in a pinch.
Also, if you are duoing or soloing, buy and use the most powerful 2 handed weapon you can use. At level 20, that will commonly be a Pristine Imbued Steel or Carbonite Great Sword. This is more important than ever, because in LU13 they changed the mobs so that they consume power more slowly. Killing an enemy quickly is more important than ever, especially if they can heal themselves. I experienced this problem last night in Maelstrom Vault against a Blue ^^^ Heroic Ice Storm.
If after playing your Paladin for a couple of more weeks and you still aren't happy with him/her anymore, then it would probably be best to create a new character and class and "rediscover" the game. Level 19 is a sizeable investment of time, but you will level your second character so much faster. Good luck with whatever decision you make.
Paladin Xczaria
Neriak Server
Company of Free Qeynosians