Easiest way to find the refining recipes is to use the new filter in your recipe list. It's something like All, Refine, Interim and Final. Where refine is 1st stage recipes - i.e. on raw ingredients, final produces something finished, and interim is everything in between.
In my eperience you will find the refining and interim recipes at a lower level than the final ones that use them, but they will be in the same skill range (tier) 1-9, 10-19, 20-29 etc.
Once you have found the final product you want to make and note it's level, its normally trivial (using the filter) to find the ingredients - mostly they are named well, and there won't be many in the right level range.
Another point to check, is that you have bought and scribed all the recipe books you are eligible for. If you are missing one then this could explain things.